The start of a new year often comes with a quiet (or loud) list of “shoulds.”
I should be more productive.
I should feel more motivated.
I should have this figured out by now.
While intentions for change can be meaningful, the pressure that comes from rigid expectations often leads to stress, self-criticism, and burnout rather than growth.
Research suggests that how we frame change matters. Studies on New Year’s resolutions have found that goals focused on moving toward something positive, rather than avoiding what we don’t want, are more likely to be sustained over time (Oscarsson et al., 2020). For example, “I want to feel more rested” may be more effective than “I need to stop being exhausted.” When goals are rooted in self-compassion instead of pressure, they tend to feel more achievable and less overwhelming.
Another important part of easing into a new year is learning to let go, particularly of repetitive thoughts about what we “should” be doing. Difficulty letting go of these thoughts is closely linked to anxiety and low mood. Research highlights that an ongoing inability to disengage from self-critical or intrusive thinking can significantly impact emotional well-being (Caswell et al., 2022). When we stay stuck replaying expectations or perceived failures, it might become harder to stay present or respond flexibly to our needs.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up on growth. It means creating space for flexibility, curiosity, and kindness toward yourself. This might involve noticing when a “should” shows up and gently asking, “Is this helpful right now?” or “What do I actually need in this moment?”
Therapy can be a supportive space to explore these patterns, especially if self-pressure or rumination feels difficult to manage alone. Together, we can work toward goals that feel aligned, realistic, and supportive of your overall well-being.
As this year begins, you are allowed to move forward without carrying every expectation with you.
If you would like to learn more about psychotherapy in Etobicoke at Balanced Mind and Wellness, please visit our FAQ section or contact us directly.
You can book online, fill out our contact page, email us at info@balancedmindandwellness.com, or call us at 416-232-2780. Our admin team is happy to speak to you. We are here to help and answer any questions you may have!
References
Caswell, J. R., Duggirala, A. N., & Verhaeghen, P. (2022). Letting go as an aspect of rumination and its relationship to mindfulness, dysphoria, anxiety, and eudemonic well-being. Behavioral Sciences (Basel, Switzerland), 12(10), 369. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs12100369
Oscarsson, M., Carlbring, P., Andersson, G., & Rozental, A. (2020). A large-scale experiment on New Year’s resolutions: Approach-oriented goals are more successful than avoidance-oriented goals. PloS one, 15(12), e0234097. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0234097
