What is enough? How do you measure what you do and if it is enough for you?
Acceptance does not mean not to strive to be greater. If you strive for more without accepting yourself in the absence of what you think you lack, then you will see yourself as enough no matter how much you gain. By accepting yourself right now, as you are, you can and will still strive to grow.
When you do not feel good about yourself, often it is because you feel that you are being watched and judged. Obviously, this decreases your sense of self-worth. This negative cycle tends to repeat itself, filled with a sense of being under-valued and shamed by both yourself and others.
Each daily requirement of ‘enough’ may be different, and yet, should be celebrated.
Here are some ways to refocus your thinking and love yourself:
1. Erase the Need to Compare.
When you compare yourself, you feel undervalued and less than.
In order to connect with others, it is imperative that you first know your strengths and positive qualities. Make a list of your positive qualities and accomplishments. Start a conversation with others and ask for their input if you are stuck.
Do not agree to things just so that you can avoid conflict. Find a way to understand and validate one another. Everyone has a right to their own perspective and opinion.
2. Have a Conversation with Your Inner Critic.
Your inner critic is made up of the negative self-talk that you actually heard from childhood and have internalized, such as “you need to work harder” or “people won’t like you if you do that”.
Retrain your inner critic so it shifts into a coach that can challenge you, without putting you down. Remember, if you do not think you are enough, you will deprive yourself of opportunities because you do not think you are worthy of them.
When you hear yourself making these negative judgments, catch yourself and change it up to a supportive, positive voice instead. You deserve it.
3. Choose Self-Empowering Language.
When you tell yourself that you ‘should’ do/ be/ feel something, you are placing a requirement upon yourself.
Instead, choose to do what you want to do. Rather than feeling obligated to do something, this choice provides empowerment and freedom.
4. Be Authentic.
If you are honest with yourself, what are you feeling?
What is hard about being honest with others about your feelings?
What could change if you were able to communicate your feelings?
If you want to have an intimate connection with someone, being open and honest about your thoughts and feelings is necessary. Being yourself allows the other person to know and appreciate who you truly are.
So, challenge yourself to be open to saying, “I really need to talk about something.”
5. Identify Your Wants and Needs.
Needs are usually something that is important to us, whereas wants are preferences and not quite as important as needs.
Conflict arises when two people want different things. If you don’t feel good enough, you may not value yourself enough to see your wants as important. You may be confused and think that one of your needs is just an unimportant want.
Then, you may dismiss your need as not important enough. So you won’t ask for what you need and you will feel threatened to speak up for yourself because you fear the other will leave you.
6. Love and Accept Yourself.
Unconditional love means you love yourself no matter what. It means you do not allow yourself to judge yourself.
You are enough, and you do not have to prove yourself. You are not loved for what you do. You are loved for who you are.
Having good personal boundaries is an effective way of loving and taking care of yourself. Validation and approval must come from yourself, not others.
Take some of these statements, and practice them in the mirror, or in your journal/ diary… until they start to feel more true to you.
7. Practice Self-Care.
When you feel good about who you are and you feel worthy, you naturally take better care of yourself.
Take a close look at how you are living. Are you taking time for the things that bring you joy? Are you eating and moving, and as a result, feeling healthy and energized? Are you sleeping enough?
The simple and most basic needs help us to feel recharged and happy. Gift them to you!